How to Know When to Stay and When to Leave a Relationship

Healthy relationships are based on equality, kindness, compassion, and support. Unhealthy relationships, meanwhile, often have dynamics that breed negative feelings—such as criticism, selfishness, resentment, trouble with compromise, or an imbalance of power or control.Most relationships will face conflict or challenges from time to time. If these issues are constant, or if you often feel worse after dealing with them, it can help to check in with yourself and see whether the relationship is healthy enough to find a resolution or whether it may be time to leave.

When to Stay in a Relationship

• You feel fulfilled and satisfied: If both you and your partner feel satisfied emotionally, socially, and physically, and you trust that you will be cared for and listened to.
• Your relationship is integrated with other parts of your life: If your partner is welcomed by your friends and family, and you feel welcomed by their loved ones. If you feel proud to introduce them, at ease with them in social situations, and not embarrassed or humiliated by their behavior.
• You know you can tell your partner anything: If there is conflict, bad news, or big changes in your life,  your partner is there for you and will work with you to find solutions and move forward.
• You and your partner feel secure: If you and your partner respect one another’s alone time, their past and present relationships, and handle feelings of insecurity or jealousy in healthy ways. If you can handle negative feelings with kindness and maturity.
• You are on the same page: If you share similar core beliefs, and have the same goals for your future together, and agree on what you want out of a relationship.
• You feel excited about the future: If you feel excited about your partner and what you can accomplish together.
• You ask for change and you see change: If when you have a conflict and ask for compromise, your partner does their part to make the change you want to see. If they respond with kindness and compassion, and not anger or defensiveness, when asked to compromise.

When to Leave a Relationship

• Your needs are not being met: If you have communicated your emotional, social, or physical needs and your partner is not meeting them.
• Your primary relationship needs are being met by other people: If you are seeking validation, support or intimacy from others, including friends and family, specifically because your partner does not provide them for you.
• You know you can’t ask for more: If you are unhappy with your relationship, and your needs have been repeatedly ignored. If you don’t feel you can ask more of your partner because you know they will not take your request seriously.
• You or your partner are consistently jealous: If you or your partner are consistently jealous, with or without reason, and there are no actions taken to rebuild trust.
• You have irreconcilable differences: If you have differences in your core values and beliefs, and your beliefs and goals for the future, and no one is willing to compromise.
• Your friends and family don’t support your relationship: If you trust that your loved ones have your best interest at heart, and yet feel that you are constantly defending your relationship to them. If you are afraid to bring up relationship issues with friends and family because it causes conflict with them.
• You feel stuck or obligated: If you are unhappy but you feel you have to keep going because you have already invested so much time and energy into the relationship. If you feel guilty about leaving the relationship because you feel pressure to keep investing in it.
• You just can’t seem to “make it work”: If you’ve been unhappy for a long time and make promises to improve the relationship, but there is no follow-through. If you have been trying to “make it work” for months or years with no improvement.
• You feel resentment toward your partner: If you feel that the issues in your relationship affect your ability to view your partner positively. If you feel ignored, resentful or are holding grudges against your partner.
• You just don’t feel loved: If you have incompatible ways of expressing and receiving affection, or your partner does not want to show you affection the way you want them to. If you simply don’t feel loved, or don’t know how to make your partner feel loved.