Common Relationship Problems and How to Deal With Them

Everyone who chooses to be in a relationship will experience problems in their relationship from time to time. Whether big or small, we can learn how to deal with relationship problems through healthy communication, mutual respect, and compromise.It’s good for partners to learn how to discuss relationship problems without fighting, and to try to resolve relationship problems without breaking up. However, there may be times when differences or unresolved issues lead to a breakup. It is important to understand how to deal with relationship problems—and when it may be time to 

Finances

Money is one of the most common issues that cause conflict in a relationship. Whether it’s having different financial resources, different views about the importance of money, or different spending habits, money issues can cause tension in a relationship. This is especially true if there is an imbalance of power—for example, when one partner has more financial resources and the other feels like they “owe” their partner financially.Here are some ways to resolve potential conflicts about finances:

• Be honest about your financial situation. Be up front about what you can and can’t afford in terms of dates and gifts.
• Do not use money as leverage or “ammunition” during fights or disagreements that are not about money.
• If you live together and decide to join finances, compromise about spending and saving habits in a way that is fair to both people.
• Have separate financial accounts from one another. This not only keeps things fair, but it can be an important part of an effective safety plan if the relationship ends.

Intimacy

Sex and intimacy is another issue that many couples struggle with. Partners may have different needs and desires around physical intimacy. One person may want sex more often than the other, or may be more open to different kids of sex or having sex with more than one person, such as in open or polyamorous relationships. Sometimes there are mismatches in comfort levels with public displays of affection—one partner may not want to be physically affectionate in public while the other does. And these preferences may change over time as the relationship progresses. Ongoing and honest sharing about intimacy needs and preferences is a core part of keeping a relationship healthy.It’s important to remember that consent is the most important thing in a sexual relationship. Consent must be:

• Enthusiastic: You and your partner should express that you want to be engaging in sexual activity.
• Voluntary: You should not feel pressured in any way to engage in sexual activity.
• Informed: Understand what the sexual activity involves, and what any potential consequences are.
• Specific: Consent can be given for one sexual activity but not others. Before you try different activities, check in about how your partner is feeling.
• Ongoing: Saying yes to sex one time does not mean you have agreed to every sexual encounter. Check in before each time you want to be physically intimate.

To get closer to your partner and to create an environment for enthusiastic consent in your relationship, consider scheduling “date nights,” or private time where you get out of your usual routines and do something you enjoy together.You should not feel pressured into sex or any sexual activity to maintain your relationship. Feeling coerced, pressured, or guilted into sex is not consent. 

Time

Difference in time management is another issue that can cause conflict in a relationship, particularly when it comes to making time for each other. Balancing alone time, time with your partner, time with friends, and time for other responsibilities can be challenging, and expectations may change over time as the relationship gets more serious. Having a clear sense of what you need and sharing that with a partner, especially as what your need or want changes, is an important part of a healthy relationship.If your partner does not make time for you, you may struggle with feelings of resentment or jealousy. Similarly, if your partner wants you to constantly be together, you may start to feel like you’re not paying enough attention to other important parts of your life individually.Here are some ways to resolve potential conflicts around making time for the relationship:

• Communicate openly about how much time you want to spend together and what your other priorities are.
• Where possible, find ways to sync your schedules so you can spend time together. Try making a schedule that includes time with your partner.
• Spend time together trying new experiences, like trying a new hobby you’re both interested in.
• Be honest about when you need time away from your partner.

Trust and Jealousy

Feeling insecure, jealous, or distrustful in a relationship can lead to a number of problems very quickly—especially if there are clear reasons for the distrust.Sometimes, these feelings arise when there is no clear reason. Many of us feel insecure in a relationship because we do not have much relationship experience, have areas of low self-worth that affect how we feel about ourselves in a relationship, or because we have unresolved issues from a previous relationship. If you recognize that your feelings of insecurity are coming from inside yourself, consider talking it through with your partner or seeking help from a therapist who can help you get to the root of the issue.In other instances, your partner’s actions or words can cause feelings of insecurity, either on purpose or inadvertently. If you feel this way, check in with your partner. Having honest conversations about hard topics like this are inevitable in healthy relationships and can be powerful opportunities to grow as a couple and as individuals. However, if your partner repeatedly dismisses your concerns, minimizes their hurtful behavior, or leaves you feeling worse rather than reassured after you talk, it may be time to leave the relationship.